Julia is clear: an amends is not the same thing as an apology. Julia shares the details about her amends process including determining the who, what, how, when and follow up, if needed, for amends and why she doesn't say, 'I'm sorry.' There is no one size fits all and it takes work to make things right, if possible. But it’s very much worth it to Julia.
‘Without the practice, without the words, without the language [that I worked through with my sponsor], I probably would have really not gotten through [my amends] effectively so that I was really doing the spirit of the 9th Step. And the spirit of the 9th Step is- it’s the process by which we clean up [a relationship.] But that’s not the goal. The book actually says that. The goal is your spiritual maturity. So the way that you clean it up becomes very important.’ 
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

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