Listen "Elemental / Episode 2 / A Christmas Cracker"
Episode Synopsis
Hello there and welcome to the 2nd episode of the Elemental podcast. I am @welliestbrook, your host. Find me on Discord and talk to me please. Here I have a little Christmas cracker for you. A little ear adventure. So please do have fun and get lost in the fantasy. Happy Christmas all.
You awaken from a very, very, very deep sleep. Wow, God! Your body feels so heavy! You try and shake your right arm, you shake your right hand... you shake your right hand and catch a glimpse of your right hand. Wow. You look at that. You hold up your left hand. You look at them, you twist them around. They are really fat. What? They're really fat, they're really sausage-y. You're sure your hands weren't like this before and your nails are very thick. They're really thick. They're tough! They look like my Grandma's nails used to look, they're like yellow crusts. Solid and... how long have you been asleep for? Your body feels really... your bones are... you try and shake your shoulders and bit and they feel really quite crunchy.
I mean, look at your belly. Ok so you don't remember where you were last but, you're sure you don't remember having that belly. Wow that is a round belly. That is big. A round belly. You tap it once, you tap it again. You tap it and its like a taught drum and it seems to sound out to the far reaches of the universe.
Your chin has a massive beard. You run your chubby sausage fingers through that big beard. Its long, its very long, it's going all the way down to your chest. This beard is white and very thick. You're able to stick all ten of your sausage-y fingers right into that and they're almost lost. A little bird flies out of your beard. A tiny bird. How big are you? How big are you?
There's a knock at the door. There's a little tinkle and a head pops round, around the door. Its a green hat with a bell.
"Hello, Your Friendliness. Have you had a good sleep?"
The little hat mutters.
"How long have a been asleep?"
You ask. Wow, shit your voice is really boomy.
"Um"
the green hat checks her wrist,
"363 days and 23 minutes My Great Friendliness! We have a big day ahead! Get up! Your suit is washed and hanging on the back of the door."
The door creaks closed, and you sit up.
You are at the helm. You are the boss. The biggest boss, you are the biggest b-b-b-boss. You have the biggest day ahead of you and it is going to be the best. You crack the reins. The Reindeer flutter and chatter with a year's worth of pent up energy and then, then, then they start to trot. Then, then, then they break into a canter and then to a full gallop, gallop. They ride, they ride, they run and snort and the spit and the laugh and they.... All around there is the vast white emptiness of snow and ice as far, as far, as far as the eye can see. The twelve Reindeer infront of you, bouncing and smashing their hooves, splashing out at you, spraying chunks of snow and ice into your big, fat, beautiful beard. The animals begin to angle upward, up, up, up into the sky. Up, up, up they begin to fly.
Deep inside your enormous gut, a convulsion begins to overtake you. Uncontrollably, unstoppably, you begin,
"O Ho, o Ho..."
You begin,
"O Ho Ho"
You begin,
"o Ho o Ho Ho Hooooo!!!"
Your voice ricochets across the craggy mountains, skims across the open seas, bouncing on the waves, smashing on the cliff faces of land, riding the wind, weaving through the trees, hitting the ears of confused wanderers and dreamers. For you, are bringing, the christmas magic.
We know the rest of the story, the good things you do + we also know, that by the time you get home, back to your big bed made of white fluffy fur, with red trim, that you're so exhausted, that you fall asleep for 363 days, and when you awake, you're confused, again.
It's a big responsibility being Santa.
You awaken from a very, very, very deep sleep. Wow, God! Your body feels so heavy! You try and shake your right arm, you shake your right hand... you shake your right hand and catch a glimpse of your right hand. Wow. You look at that. You hold up your left hand. You look at them, you twist them around. They are really fat. What? They're really fat, they're really sausage-y. You're sure your hands weren't like this before and your nails are very thick. They're really thick. They're tough! They look like my Grandma's nails used to look, they're like yellow crusts. Solid and... how long have you been asleep for? Your body feels really... your bones are... you try and shake your shoulders and bit and they feel really quite crunchy.
I mean, look at your belly. Ok so you don't remember where you were last but, you're sure you don't remember having that belly. Wow that is a round belly. That is big. A round belly. You tap it once, you tap it again. You tap it and its like a taught drum and it seems to sound out to the far reaches of the universe.
Your chin has a massive beard. You run your chubby sausage fingers through that big beard. Its long, its very long, it's going all the way down to your chest. This beard is white and very thick. You're able to stick all ten of your sausage-y fingers right into that and they're almost lost. A little bird flies out of your beard. A tiny bird. How big are you? How big are you?
There's a knock at the door. There's a little tinkle and a head pops round, around the door. Its a green hat with a bell.
"Hello, Your Friendliness. Have you had a good sleep?"
The little hat mutters.
"How long have a been asleep?"
You ask. Wow, shit your voice is really boomy.
"Um"
the green hat checks her wrist,
"363 days and 23 minutes My Great Friendliness! We have a big day ahead! Get up! Your suit is washed and hanging on the back of the door."
The door creaks closed, and you sit up.
You are at the helm. You are the boss. The biggest boss, you are the biggest b-b-b-boss. You have the biggest day ahead of you and it is going to be the best. You crack the reins. The Reindeer flutter and chatter with a year's worth of pent up energy and then, then, then they start to trot. Then, then, then they break into a canter and then to a full gallop, gallop. They ride, they ride, they run and snort and the spit and the laugh and they.... All around there is the vast white emptiness of snow and ice as far, as far, as far as the eye can see. The twelve Reindeer infront of you, bouncing and smashing their hooves, splashing out at you, spraying chunks of snow and ice into your big, fat, beautiful beard. The animals begin to angle upward, up, up, up into the sky. Up, up, up they begin to fly.
Deep inside your enormous gut, a convulsion begins to overtake you. Uncontrollably, unstoppably, you begin,
"O Ho, o Ho..."
You begin,
"O Ho Ho"
You begin,
"o Ho o Ho Ho Hooooo!!!"
Your voice ricochets across the craggy mountains, skims across the open seas, bouncing on the waves, smashing on the cliff faces of land, riding the wind, weaving through the trees, hitting the ears of confused wanderers and dreamers. For you, are bringing, the christmas magic.
We know the rest of the story, the good things you do + we also know, that by the time you get home, back to your big bed made of white fluffy fur, with red trim, that you're so exhausted, that you fall asleep for 363 days, and when you awake, you're confused, again.
It's a big responsibility being Santa.