76. Designed Vs Default Expectations. Mentioning Tim Urban, John Gottman, Esther Perel & more

16/07/2023 1h 5min
76. Designed Vs Default Expectations. Mentioning Tim Urban, John Gottman, Esther Perel & more

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Episode Synopsis

- Esther Perel: People used to leave relationships because they were unhappy, now people level them to because they want to be more happy.
- Tim Urban: Happiness = Reality - Expectations
- John Gottman relationship stages: Phase 1: Falling in Love – Limerence · Phase 2: Building Trust · Phase 3: Building Commitment and Loyalty.
- Elon Musk: 'Who wrote the code running in your head?' Or are the values you have 'written by you', or by someone else.

We think that it's better to understand what the values are, where they came from, and then to try and see what values you think make the most sense for you. That the world should 'pluralistic' in certain areas (ie many different types of values can be good) and uniform in others (eg no stealing).
But that also you can and should update your values over time when you think it makes sense!

A couple of blogs from Duncan that we feel are relevant:
- https://www.cloudstreaks.com/blog/2019/4/23/default-vs-designed-expectations-write-your-own-stories
- https://www.cloudstreaks.com/blog/2019/6/1/10x-work-goals-human-beings-not-human-doings-thoughts-on-how-epic-work-can-be-a-reason-for-being

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