Welcome back dear customers, it’s time to reopen Darren’s virtual video store.

If you put on the special headset we have provided, you can marvel at the 1980’s decadence of sticky carpets, dodgy cardboard displays and video tapes that have not been rewound (and we as employees – at 1980’s pay rates – hate that). 

Walk up to the counter and ask if we have any video nasties under the counter.  Once we have confirmed you are not special branch, we’ll be glad to help you.  After all, we haven’t paid the fine for the last infringement and Darren is refusing to do anymore orders of community service.  In his view keeping the shop open is doing his bit for the community, even if his rental charges are a little above the norm.

Anyway, we can’t stand around here chatting to you all day, we have to push our product on the punters (sorry, I mean customers), or Darren will dock our meagre wages.  

So, if you would care to step over this way, we can reveal to you some of our top rentals this month, all come with Darren’s seal of approval

- In the musical section we have Greatest Days, a very moving film featuring the songs of Take That.  Darren says this will bring a tear to your eye.  

- Step over to the Foreign Language section, an area of the store not well travelled in these parts, where you will find almost unrented tapes for The Three Musketeers : D’Artagnan and the violent actioner Sissu. There isn’t much dialogue in the latter so that is starting to shoot up our violent rental charts.

- Perhaps the horror section is more to your liking – it’s the one area of the store Graham fears to go.  Here you will find Becky.  No, she’s not a YTS employee, instead a teenager out for vengeance after her family are kidnapped.  Actually, she could well be a local YTS trainee in this area. 

- As a more discerning customer we can offer you access to our under the counter section.  Here we have the comedy Rosaline. Withdrawn by our competitors, Neil’s Video Boutique, because of copyright infringement.  We have a few copies which weren’t returned to the distributor and are well worth checking out.

- There is also a TV section where you will find a very impressive documentary called Muscles And Mayhem, which lifts the lid on the scandals associated with an old American TV series.

There you have it – something for everyone.

What’s that?  You want to see the manager.  

Sorry not possible today as he is back in court defending the business after the heavy-lidded returns slot went wrong, again.  I don’t see what the fuss is about – surgery these days mean most limbs can be reattached with little unsightly scarring! 

I hope you enjoy your visit to Darren’s video store.  If we don’t see you here, we hope to see you At The Flicks.

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