Grandpa’s Tears
Such a surreal moment
The blood has dried
The smell of gunpowder gone
But his soul lingers in the air
And still, we wait for his voice
Calling out Elijah, I’m home.
I'm the ancient grandpa
Only able to listen, not much more
My own life and my limitations
Brought in clear focus.
No way to take away my daughter’s pain
Or to fill the empty bottle his father left
On the nightstand next to his crib.
No way to tell the story
And change the ending
After the click of the chamber
Before the blast goes viral
And the new reality
Takes the oxygen from the room.
Tomorrow and the day after
And the day after that
The sun will rise and fall
And Elijah’s dad will not return
And take his midnight shift
Of changing diapers and feeding formula
And wiping burps from his own shoulders
Neth baby’s mouth.
How much did the Medicaid blunder
The one that cut off his Lexapro
Shift the balance of control
As he withdrew one week on
How much rests because he saw no future
Without the baby’s mom not wanting to be his wife
And mate forevermore
Just parents together sharing the load
Nothing more, nothing more, nothing more,
Is all he heard.
Not the traditional family
He never had.
Was being sober ten months to the day
Not enough to hold the prize
The prize of a family sitting around the table
Each loving and caring
As they told the tales of the day?
How much did the $4k lien
Against an empty bank account
And bank overdraft fees piling up
Piling up the hopelessness
Put weight on the trigger
As his two friends and baby’s mother
Sitting in the other room
Discussing the mess he had made
Not seal the deal?
Did the world not see
That he got one thing right
When every night
He held his son
Until sleep came and he lay him down?
Did they not see him waiting there
Beside the crib at morning's light
As the sunbeams fell
On the carpet now red?
Grandpa Roe
March 2022.

Ver todos los episodios