Why we lie

In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss lying--the good kind, the bad kind, and the ugly kind. Simply put, lying is the willful substitution of fiction for fact. Not all lying is bad. In fact, what we typically call white lying can actually be considered beneficial. Call it what you like, being diplomatic, kind, or generous, it’s all the same thing: choosing to filter our true feelings in order to avoid unnecessary conflict by hurting others. Clearly, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I shudder to think what this world would be like if we had no filters.



Unfortunately, not all white-lying is innocuous, take, for example, the inability to say “no.” These are what I refer to as life’s pleasers. Although compulsively pleasing others may reduce social friction, it can create a significant emotional drain on you.



There are other more unsavory types of lying that you need to be concerned with. These are driven by insecurity and the need to control others and outcomes. These are self-serving, manipulative expressions that often have destructive influences, not only on others but on your psychic equilibrium as well. Join me as I delve into the more nefarious realm of the ‘deadbeat,’ the ‘scammer,’ and other egocentric manipulations.