In this episode, I tell a story about a conversation with a direct report and he said something interesting. He believed that a person's desire to be liked would lead him or her down the path to inauthenticity. He questioned, "If you have such a strong desire to be liked, how can you make the tough decisions, have the hard conversations, and be authentic in the face of a storm? How do you overcome the need to be liked and make hard decisions that might make some people NOT like you?"

After thinking long and hard about this, I believe that being liked, authentic, and respected plays a significant part in exceptional leadership.

Let's first establish that to be a good leader, you do not have to be liked. To be a good leader, you must be well respected and credible, which you gain by making good decisions, admitting mistakes, being honest, genuine and self-aware, communicating regularly and clearly, and living and breathing your purpose. These traits describe authenticity, and being an authentic leader is not only the best way to lead; it's the only way to lead.

But in my experience, being liked by those you lead is helpful, and it brings a sense of fulfillment. When people like you, they want to be around you. They are more likely to ask your opinion and give their opinions. They feel more comfortable being vulnerable, making it easier and more fun to partner with you to get things done. When you are liked, it's easier to influence your desired outcomes because people are genuinely engaged with you and want to help.

Being an authentic leader must always come first. Likeably should be lower on the list but not dismissed. Great leaders know how to blend them to maximize effectiveness. Learn to be okay with making decisions that everyone will not like; doing the right thing is always more important than making everyone happy.

Question of the episode: "I'm struggling with some insecurity, some baggage, and I feel like it's holding me back from doing an outstanding job. What should I do?"

Baggage does what baggage does…weighs you down and holds you back.

My advice to her was this:
Examine where your insecurities are coming from. Why are you letting your insecurities determine your future? If you want to let them go, dig in and understand where they come from.

Did something happen where you were called a failure? Did someone not believe in you when you were younger? If so, forgive them for these insensitive comments. Why? Forgiveness is the fastest way to be able to say, "Thank you for your feedback. I'm going to take what serves me, and I'm letting the rest go because it's holding me back."

The second thing I told her is this: "If you believe that you are not good at something but want to be, do more of it." Read books, hire a coach, ask questions of a mentor, and practice. It's okay if you make mistakes. You'll learn more by taking a few risks and learning what works and what doesn't work.

The only way to do hard things is to do hard things. The only way to get better at doing hard things is to do more hard things. And as you do hard things and you find successes, even if they're small ones at first. As you push yourself, you'll expand your competency zone, gain more confidence and lose that baggage.

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