I once was told that taking things personally is one of the most selfish things a person could do.

This statement stuck with me, and I found myself sharing it often. Not wanting to be a hypocrite (or selfish), I decided I had better start paying more attention to whether or not I regularly took things personally. To my dismay, I realized that I did…far more often than I wanted to admit. I also found that when I did, I felt bad about myself. I felt bad about other people. I felt bad about the situation. I felt bad about everything. Yuck.

After suffering a bit longer, I decided it was time to stop taking things so damn personally.

I want to encourage you, too, to stop taking things so personally. You will not only improve your life, but you will also improve the lives of everyone around you. You will be happier. And you being happier makes the world happier. And we all know that the world could use more happiness.

Here are five things you can do to stop taking everything personally:
1. Don't make other people's rudeness, irritability, curtness, etc., about you. It's about whatever is going on with them. Smile, silently wish them well, and move on.
2. Consider all feedback constructive. The more you get, the better you will be, even if the input doens't feel valid. Make modifications and apologize when necessary. But don't take any of it personally; instead, be grateful for it.
3. Don't expect people to read your mind. If you do, you'll regularly find yourself disappointed. Face it, most of us aren't psychic so there is no point in expecting others to know what is happening inside you. Always be honest about how you feel and what you are thinking—candidness matters.
4. Don't make assumptions. You don't know what other people are thinking or feeling, so don't assume. Plus, incorrect assumptions cause undue suffering. If you don't know, ask. Even if you think you do, ask. Seek to understand.
5. Tell yourself a different story. Each of us views the world through our individual lens. We all have deeply rooted biases and personality types that influence the color, texture, and feel of that lens. Our lenses are shaped by our parents, family, friends, and communities and by our experiences. How each of us sees the world is very personal and very different. And that's what makes the human species so unique. But it's also our biggest downfall. We fall into the trap of thinking that our thoughts and feelings are THE TRUTH. "I am right and they are wrong." Even highly self-aware people find it difficult to break outside of their way of thinking. None of us know THE TRUTH. We only feel and see our own truths (which may be flat out wrong). So if you are taking something personally, recognize that the story you are telling yourself is just that: a story, and there's a good chance it's wrong. Why not tell a different story? One that doesn't involve turning angels into demons.

Not taking things personally takes effort and persistence, but it's worth it. You'll be much happier and feel better about yourself when you can let things easily slide off your back. You'll be more open-minded and better able to take feedback when you let other people have their own opinions without becoming defensive or protective. Life is better when you turn your story from a negative one to a positive one.

Question of the episode: This question comes from a person on LinkedIn who says, "I'm a new manager, and I am really struggling with delegating. How do I go about doing this effectively in a way that doesn't make me feel so awkward?" Listen to hear my tips!

Ver todos los episodios