I always felt that I was a selfless and thoughtful person, until I got sober. I was able to see how much better I could be as a human being among human beings. With open-mindedness I can see more clearly how to give rather than constantly thinking about what’s in it for me. I have so many experiences where I put my drinking above everything and everyone. I didn’t recognize the selfishness. It didn’t feel like selfishness. 
My recovery program teaches me how to build and maintain beautiful relationships. I can honestly say that I’ve not sure that I was a giver to anyone but my kids. I was nice, friendly, and a BLAST to hang out with, but I wasn’t giving. There was a hamster, whom I’ve named Herbie, running on a wheel inside my head constantly clanging and interrupting my ability to be present in the moment. I was unable to see what others needed because all I could hear was my self-talk creating anxiety, fear, and craving my next drink.
I have a thinking problem, and his name is Herbie. Today I train Herbie to stop running and let me be present. Let me listen to others so that I can give.
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