Letting go of old ideas is a process of unlearning habitual thinking. Yesterday, we took our dogs to the vet where a young woman at the counter casually mentioned she wished her water bottle was full of alcohol. That used to be my mindset. I constantly wanted to escape, never grateful for the present moment. Unlearning took more than removing alcohol; I got to change the way I think. Instead of chasing temporary relief, looking away, I walk into the fear, sometimes trembling even.
I joined a vestibular support group yesterday that was exactly what I needed. Hearing from others with the same disability helped to ease some of my despair. One woman battled this disorder for 20 years before finally getting a diagnosis last month. Her resilience was inspiring because I only had to live 3 years in the dark. Another person, newly learning that this disability is permanent, was desperately trying to hold on to her old life, resisting acceptance. I get it. How do you accept something that doctors struggle to diagnose. Just like alcoholism, recovery only begins with acceptance.
My old way of thinking was like trying to keep a hot air balloon afloat. Alcohol was the fuel I depended on to lift me up, but over time, no amount of it could keep me from sinking. There was a hole in the balloon. Now, I have new ways to rise through connection, support, and a shift in my thinking. I got to patch the holes in the balloon and learn to steady it without burning so much fuel. I’m actually navigating my way through life and no longer drifting aimlessly.
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